taylor/bad forward with a bad attitude.
so here is the Thing - i used to be enthralled by poetry and the escape of writing and how much i could put down on paper that i could never express verbally, and in the course of the past two years i’ve learned to hate it so so so much. writing physically takes so much out of me, draining my energy and any sense of joy i have. trying to sit down and do it makes me feel bored, annoyed, sometimes nauseous. i have to force myself to write and i hate anything i produce. i’m realizing maybe it isn’t something i love anymore, and am trying to to tell myself that that’s okay.
soooooooooo the last thing that i need from any person ever is people shoving their fists three miles down my throat or grabbing me by the hair and saying i should join my school’s slam poetry team again. they’re saying “you love writing! you just don’t like the people” or “you’re throwing away opportunities” (ones i don’t want or foresee myself needing) or, my personal favorite “you’re kinda ditching us.” i talked to my mom about it today and she said “i know you like writing” and it was the first time i told someone i didn’t. i told her i hate it i hate it i hate it because i do. i hate writing and the team sucks and i literally don’t like anyone on it!!!!!!!
i’m stuck going to a session and i’m probably going to get forced to read so i’m trying to realize something despite my sheer lack of skill, motivation, or interest :’)))) the boy who runs it is obsessed with me and i need to find a way out of this hole i’m digging myself